Some people get gung-ho. They want to “force” their way out of prison. Like those who are knowledge hoarders. They think they can get out if they try hard enough.
However, this is EXACTLY the opposite of what you need to be doing.
Leaving the PMO prison is easy. It is painless. The doors are unlocked. There are no prison guards at all. You were the person who put yourself in a prison of your own making.
You don’t need effort to leave the PMO prison, you need indifference.
Indifference to PMO. That’s why we do affirmations. That’s why we meditate. That’s the point of our work together. For you to cultivate a sense of indifference.
When your life is going so well, the prison of PMO no longer appeals to you.
Have you cultivated indifference yet?
I’m launching a new model of quitting PMO and staying out of the PMO prison for good. I’d like to invite you to join the pilot cohort. All details (and the rest of these emails) can be found here.
This is the million dollar question, and I have 5 answers to share with you.
After coaching 100+ people 1-1, and having escaped from the PMO trap myself after nearly 20 years of an addiction (even after marrying the woman of my dreams), I can tell you a few things.
Over the next few days, I’d like to share with you 5 ways we delude ourselves.
The Information Delusion
This when you believe you just need to cram more information. If you spend all your time on sites like YourBrainOnPorn, or reddit forums, this might be you.
You believe the only thing that’s keeping you from making progress is that you haven’t learned the idea enough that PMO is bad for you.
If this was the case, then at what point do you become free? After you read a book 5x, 10x, 100x?
Does it require getting a PhD in this subject to become free?
The mind is fooling you by saying: “you slipped again, you must have missed the idea that PMO is bad for you. Here, spend more time telling you that PMO is bad for you so you can quit it.”
The fact is, you already knew that PMO is bad for you! You don’t need to be reminded a million times more!
Otherwise, you will keep searching forever for some mysterious golden idea/insight to make you free.
This is NO different than urge-surfing to find that “perfect” video to PMO to.
Do you now get it?
I’m starting something to help you get out of this delusion once and for all! In fact, I’m doing something to help you get out of the PMO addiction prison, and stay out!
Interested in joining the pilot program? Learn more here.
Since before the pandemic started last year, I started providing coaching services to as many of you as possible.
Many I did for free, and others at reduced prices.
After 100+ coaching sessions and a 99% satisfaction, it’s become clear to me that there are so many of us out there who need a helping hand to get out of the PMO trap.
I’m now working on bringing my coaching in the form of a course you can take at your own time. It’ll be more affordable than coaching so that as many of you as possible can benefit from it.
I’m also working hard so that people get the same benefits that 100+ of you have gotten from 1-1 coaching.
I’ve got a roadmap ahead. But I’d like your feedback as well.
What would you like to see included in this course? What topics do you still find challenging? What kind of stuff do you wish you could revisit over and over again?
Please do reply back to this email, or leave a comment on this post to let me know what you’d like to see. It will help me create something positive for you and the thousands of other men who are suffering being stuck in the prison of PMO (and social media/Internet/their minds).
When we give up porn, we are faced with this void in our lives. We are asked for the first time to answer the question: what do you want in life?
For many of us (as it has been for me), this is a terrifying question. Even if by some miracle you manage to answer the question, if you’re like me, you end up feeling so hopeless and powerless to accomplish it, you give up easily. You tell yourself “what’s the point?”
Alternatively, you look at the size of the goal and you feel that it is too small to count or big too big to reach.
I have thought about what to do about all my stalled life goals for such a long time. I thought it was about learning how to set better goals. I followed all the SMART goal frameworks. I would write out my goal everyday.
I would also read books on the law of attraction or belief and all that other kind of stuff. I would do vision boards. But I just felt too powerless to do anything.
After some initial enthusiasm, I would feel overwhelmed or feel stuck and give up quickly.
The missing piece, I’ve since come to learn is the idea of the self-image and the servo-mechanism.
What is the servo-mechanism?
Animals have an instinct in them. Even if they don’t learn explicitly, they know when it’s time to migrate when it’s winter and move again when it’s summer. Birds know when it’s time to fly. Fish swim thousands of miles to different areas in search for food.
All animals have this mechanism inside of them that guides them towards life. It guides them towards success.
Why not humans? Of course we also have this mechanism inside of us! We are not robots, but we certainly have a machine inside of us designed to take us towards greater life and success.
Our animal needs are mostly met (food, shelter, safety). Even our emotional needs may be met (family, etc.).
Inside our mind is a servo-mechanism, a tool, machine or instinct designed to get us to where we want to be. This is not in the realm of magic or make-believe or anything like that. We have this inside of us!
This servo-mechanism is designed to take us towards our goals. The mechanism figures out the path there. It figures out how to jump over obstacles. It is instinctual. It is ingrained within us.
We tap into this servo-mechanism by altering our self-image.
What is the self-image?
Our self-image is the idea we hold of ourselves in our mind. Perhaps right now, we have let others dictate our self-image. Friends, teachers, partners, the media, whatever has told us how to think and feel about ourselves.
Forever alone, loner, loser, etc are all labels that have told us what to think and feel about ourselves.
All we need to do therefore to make our servo-mechanism work is to start changing our self-image.
You can do this with your imagination or feeling what you want to feel about the person you want to become.
In the theater of your mind, you can see yourself as becoming the person you want to be. Tap into past experience where you were the person you wanted to be, or use your imagination to project outwards into the future.
This will activate the servo-mechanism to start shifting your life around to make this version of yourself come alive.
You don’t need to worry about the “how” of it. It will happen by itself.
Just relax every part of you, start tapping into this modified self-image, and keep using your memories or imagination to see and feel the person you’d like to become.
You don’t need faith for this to work. It is just built into you like it is built into animals. Endowed with higher powers of our mind, we have the ability and responsibility to do this.
So get to it! You will thank yourself.
This is probably the most powerful way I have seen of dealing with the void that PMO leaves behind. Even when it has no benefit, we feel incapable of moving because our self-image has been shattered.
I hope to write an updated ebook version of this soon and include this chapter within it to let others know of this.
Let me know if you’ve done something like this in the past and how it’s panned out.
I look forward to your emails and comments.
On a personal note. I haven’t posted on this site for a while because I’ve been busy with other work. I found that the coaching business on here was not enough to pay the bills, so I’m moving onto other work. Nevertheless, people will always be free to reach out to me for coaching. I’ve kept the pricing as is.
When people quit their porn addictions, we often find ourselves confronting this numbness in our life.
We stare endlessly at the ceiling, looking at our phones, switching from memes, silly YouTube videos, watching and reading the news–story after story, picture after picture, meme after meme, Netflix episode after episode. Even if we aren’t enjoying it.
It’s just a compulsion at that point. Does this sound familiar? This is exactly what we used to do with our porn addiction.
Sadly, we take on the same addictive behaviors and apply it to mindless media usage. And when the build-up doesn’t take us over the edge, we have “just one peek” at porn (or suggestive social media, or music videos, etc).
We’re then back to where we started. I see this happening far too often.
One of the sad things of modern society is that we have lost our ability to feel. We don’t really feel anything anymore. We rely on movies, TV, porn, and other media to make us feel anything.
This emotional numbness is scary. Consider sitting alone and doing nothing at all. Including not looking at a screen. The numbness is too overwhelming. Maybe our mind goes to negative thoughts, or maybe they start thinking about some of the older pornographic fantasies. We then reach for our phone and we’re mindlessly consuming media again.
Anything to get away from the feeling of numbness.
One of the most important themes I see repeated from all my coaching sessions is this very strong sense of unworthiness, self-hatred, self-punishment. When we look deep inside, we see a screwed up broken individual. And from all the media we have consumed, we have given up on the world as well. All this is crystallized into a feeling of numbness.
It all feels futile. Better to go back to the sexually charged music videos, TV shows, and back to porn. Anything to get away from this feeling of numbness.
You must stop this.
You are worthy of love, respect, and forgiveness. You and I have been brainwashed by a lifetime of media addiction to believe that we aren’t. No child is born feeling this way. It has come through a lifetime of parents, teachers, loved ones, society, and nowadays our own self-destructive addictive tendencies.
There is a way out. We must heal ourselves if we are to build our lives again. To feel hopeful and take action again in our lives.
There are some practices I’d highly recommend.
Affirmations
I often give affirmations at the end of a coaching session. This is important. We have been brainwashed over a lifetime with porn, news, and other media to feel empty inside. We are programmed to not feel anything without this stimulus.
First see through the lies. All this hopelessness, numbness, etc has been programmed into us BECAUSE we are addicts. And quitting helps us be free.
Next, you reverse the brainwashing with affirmations. I have strong spiritual beliefs, so these are some of the affirmations I say:
I am worthy of love. I have always been loved and always be loved. God loves me. And I love all that he has given me.
I forgive myself. I am letting go. I am becoming whole and complete. I am allowing myself to feel love, peace, and happiness. I am love, peace, and happiness.
I am here to shine my light for others. I matter, God has made me this way.
Look into what you’re feeling, even through the numbness, and find the words that feel good to you. Start reversing the brainwashing. I sometimes cry saying these affirmations out loud.
No one has said these things to me before. No one has told me that I am worthy, good enough, worth loving, deserving of love, and here to shine my light.
I often do it with music and it feels me with such profound love and happiness and peace.
Gratitude
Please practice gratitude. If you look, you will find countless things to be happy about. And if I cannot feel anything, I watch this video:
Watch it. You will thank me. Genuinely look at the smallest things to be grateful for. Not just an intellectual thought…but genuinely try to feel happy. This is a powerful practice to break the numbness in your life.
If you do no journaling, just spend 2 minutes a day writing out exactly what you’re grateful for. Even if it just one thing.
Meditation
Meditation is a powerful technique that helps us realize that we are not the thoughts, the feelings that we’re feeling.
Headspace has some fantastic free meditations on YouTube which you can try. But of course you can use any app you want.
These practices will help you recover yourself. It will help you feel again.
Remember, this is a practice. There is no end goal here. As you start doing this, you will start to feel lighter and lighter. Things will start opening up for you.
If you have other ideas, I’ve love to hear them! Please shoot me a message back, or open this post and leave a comment below!
I have prepared a ~15 minute hypnosis for everyone that they can listen to regularly to really help sink in the messages from my book and my coaching.
You have been brainwashed by the porn addiction from the media, society, and even yourself. To reverse it takes some time. I have created this hypnosis track to help you go deep into your subconscious mind and re-wire the beliefs.
Please consider liking this video on YouTube and subscribing to the channel so that others can benefit as well.
If you have any suggestions for me, feel free to click below and leave a comment on the video itself!
In this week’s episode, we have a conversation with a 14 year old and the challenges and struggles he sees in quitting porn for himself and his friends. We get into how so many young people are addicted to it and how it impacts them. In addition we look at:
The impact of anime in keeping people hooked to porn.
What super sexualized imagery does for young kids
How social circles in high school affect how hooked you get
The long term consequences that creep up on your unknowingly
How many people are truly so hooked in the trap that they will mock you when you try to escape
How to deal with cravings
A resource to curate the media you consume
How to deal with depression and anxiety of growing up.
The book I mention is called:
Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman
The TV show I mention (ironic) about why to quit TV is called: How TV Ruined Your Life (5 parts available on YouTube).
Feeling Good by David Burns
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As always, you can buy the book Quit Porn Easily by me for just 99 cents on Amazon here. And get personalized coaching from me directly. Learn more about that here.
When I coach people to help them quit porn, there comes a moment where the person is lost for words.
They ask me what they should do the next time the urge comes up again.
They are still not convinced that they are out of the porn trap. Their doubt drags them back in there. There is disbelief that they can actually pull themselves out of the porn trap.
They ask me in disbelief what they will do the next time they’re feeling down, they’re feeling stressed, they’re feeling bored, anxious, etc. The next time they have a disagreement with their kids or wife.
I wanted to share a technique or tip that has helped many of my clients get past this stage.
It’s a bit “out there” so it isn’t for everyone. But I thought I’d share it anyways.
You already have that which you’re seeking
When you feel the urge to scratch the “itch” when you’re feeling bored…
Breath deeply.
Ask yourself: Who am I?
Wait for the answer to come.
Ask yourself: And if I’m not that, then who am I?
Wait for the answer to come. Repeat step 4 & 5 again.
When people seek relief, distraction, or a way to kill the tension in their life, they look for it outside of themselves.
But the reality is that you are already that what you’re seeking.
If you take a breath to experience this for yourself, you will discover that the relief, freedom, and escape you are looking for was already inside of you the whole time.
Don’t try to “logic” this. Actually do this. It works for many people who tend to be more intuitive.
The first time you ask yourself this question, a bunch of garbled garbage will come up. A bunch of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. Look at them, and ask yourself: If I’m not these, what am I?
The more you ask yourself this, the deeper you will go and you will experience a sense of tremendous calm take you over.
Let me know what you think in the comments below.
Update about Coaching
I will be increasing my coaching session prices by $10 at the end of this month.
People spend dozens, hundreds, thousands of hours watching porn and then think frugally when it comes time to get some help beat this addiction.
Men spend thousands of dollars on “models” online so that they can feel like they have a real girlfriend.
People spend hundreds if not thousands on the latest gadgets and movies that aid in the brainwashing and keeps them hooked.
All of these things increase their stress, boredom, anxiety, and depression. It reduces their happiness, motivation, and self-esteem.
Despite all this, when it comes time to invest in getting extra help to quit this toxic addiction, they freeze. They insist it to be free.
You can get my book for less than $1 on Amazon here. I’ve held nothing back in it.
But sometimes, much like how a surgeon cannot perform surgery on himself, you too cannot identify the block that keeps you hooked. That’s when coaching helps. If you’d like to sign up for it, you can do so here.
In this week’s episode, we hear from a Pediatric Medical Doctor who had struggled to quit the porn trap in the past. We work through some of his core beliefs that keep him stuck. He shares some of the greater societal implications of how this addiction is playing out more broadly in the world, especially in the CoVID world of quarantines.
This episode follows the story of a college student in Romania. He describes his 10 year journey with porn addiction, and his attempts at quitting it. At his peak, he was watching and relapsing to porn 5 times a day.
In this live recording of a coaching session, we look at his core beliefs and help him escape the porn trap for good!
Listen along and get coaching yourself.
To get the Quit Porn Easily book for $0.99 from Amazon, click here.
And if you want direct coaching yourself, you can sign up for it here.
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